Minor Inconveniences
by MidnightRun42
Summary: In which Komaeda gets a puppy by choice and Hajime gets one by default.


_"That's a horrible plan."_  
 _"Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that."_  
― Christopher Moore, Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d'Art

 **-ooo-**

"Well, I mean…" he trailed off, running a distracted hand through his hair as he stared down at the small, fuzzy animal currently flopped over in the middle of the deck licking its… no… _his_ junk. "Can you return it?"

Komaeda just stared back at him and somehow his wilting smile made him feel as if he'd just spat on a child's birthday cake.

It was a look that clearly said: You are a _monster_ , Hinata Hajime.

A crusher of dreams.

The actual, literal _worst_.

"Nevermind," he sighed, rolling his eyes to focus on the bright blue of the sky above.

A small voice inside him that was all that truly remained of the most analytic parts of Izuru (and somehow always sounded like Nanami) quietly informed him that the sky wasn't actually blue.

 _Don't be pedantic,_ he thought tiredly, as if that would in any way stop that voice from continuing to make such uniquely unhelpful contributions.

He turned his attention back to the man at his side who was now smiling and looking awfully pleased with himself for someone who had, just moments before, looked as if someone had just canceled Christmas.

Not that he really thought Komaeda had ever actually celebrated Christmas.

He'd seemed completely gobsmacked by the idea when Sonia had started making noises about how they should maybe find some lights to make the ship a bit more festive and a bit less foreboding so people might stop running away when they docked.

He hadn't had the heart to tell her that people would probably still run away and that putting up lights would probably just make it so they'd be able to do so a lot sooner since they'd be able to see them coming from further off.

So, festive fairy lights there were, draped across the railings and rigged around the deck and the festooning the cargo crates that they kept up on deck.

Fortunately - by some quirk of good fortune that likely had nothing to do with the lights and everything to do with how much Komaeda liked them - the running and screaming actually had seemed to finally begin dying down a bit around the same time as people slowly forgot who they had been and what they could do. He imagined that in the grand scheme of things everyone they had run across in their efforts to repent for their crimes had far greater things to worry about who they were or why they were trying to piece the world back together.

Eventually he hoped they'd be forgotten altogether and the world would eventually just see them as a rather eccentric bunch of weirdo do-gooders wandering the world fixing things for no particular reason whatsoever.

Like those guys on Scooby Doo… only with more practical repair work and a boat instead of a brightly painted van.

They even had a dog now… _apparently_.

"Where'd you even get a puppy?" He asked, trying and no doubt failing to keep the beginnings of frustration out of the question.

"Oh," Komaeda replied to him, having the nerve to sound surprises as if it had never occurred to him that he might ask. "I found him."

And knowing Komaeda that could mean any number of things, each more potentially distressing than the last.

Unsurprisingly, the small voice in his head was busy composing a long list of those potentials as the puppy finished his ball upkeep and began scratching intently at one floppy ear.

Fantastic.

Fleas.

 _Awesome._

This was why he hated being labeled de-facto leader of their little bad of misfits.

Being responsible for things like _this_.

Because it had pretty much been an endless parade of things like _this_ ever since they'd woken up.

Gundham was running some sort of weird rodent rehabilitation program in the old theater featuring hundreds of rats and hamsters and mice and who the hell knew what else. since he'd used the ship to bring them to the island in the first place, they'd been cleaning rat crap out of all the nooks and crannies for the better part of a month.

Akane had somehow stolen one of Togami's credit cards and used it to order fifteen pigs last month so they could roast and eat them.

He hadn't even known you _could_ buy fifteen freaking pigs online much less have them _airlifted_ to a relatively unknown manmade island in the middle of the Pacific.

Such was the power of the Togami name, apparently, even now.

Their Imposter still couldn't settle on a name or a default persona and had been oscillating between old standbys for the last few weeks which - in and of itself - wouldn't have been that big a deal if it hadn't sent poor Mitarai running to their room every other day at half past three in the morning with a laundry list of completely earnest questions about sex that had made him want to weep.

Mostly because of the sort of answers Komaeda cheerfully volunteered.

Nekomaru had managed to blow out the plumbing in both his own room and different parts of the hotel on no less than five separate occasions over the past few months.

It was a contentious enough issue that they had started leaving him behind on the island when they went on longer voyages specifically to avoid any potential mid-ocean disasters (not that that helped with the blow out issue _exactly_ , but at least on the island there were a number of alternative bathrooms if something went awry).

Fortunately, Akane had volunteered to stay behind with him. He'd been silently grateful for that since it solved both the problem of leaving one of their number alone and made it much easier to get where they were going without packing extra provisions since Akane had a tendency to mow right through the food supplies with no regard for the idea of portion control and proper rationing.

Unfortunate, between the two of them they always managed to break something while they were gone, but at least they didn't have to worry about intruders attempting to take over their little piece of the world while they were away.

Not that people were exactly lining up to attack their island these days.

It had only taken a dozen stalled ships and airplanes and a couple weeks of shooting rockets out of the air before those few countries that had been so inclined had given it up as a bad job.

Souda had built a giant security robot which had been super handy for dealing with all those rockets right up until it had somehow managed to accidentally set half of the buildings on the fourth island on fire on an otherwise uneventful Thursday afternoon.

At which point Mahiru had made a point of demanding a safety review of all robots before irresponsible jackasses set them loose.

A perfectly reasonable request.

So he'd nodded along as she'd continued to tell him - in detail - about how she really needed a dedicated space in which to develop pictures.

Specifically a space that no one would accidentally set on _fire_ , that had been throughly _rodent-proofed_ and wasn't located anywhere near a _bathroom_.

In fact, she had the perfect place in mind, but Fuyuhiko had already started setting up some kind of gangster nonsense dojo thing in there.

And then she'd stared at him expectantly and it had taken him far too long to realize that she was expecting some kind of response.

And while he'd agreed that she was probably entitled to such a space, it was pretty obvious the one she wanted was already taken and he hadn't been the least bit certain why it was that she thought he could do something about it... or why she had decided that fact needed to be brought to his attention at half past midnight.

Of course, telling her that hadn't seemed to have the desired impact.

If anything she had seemed to decide that in retaliation for his lack of assistance, she would instead develop the unfortunate habit of banging on his door at all hours of the night to complain about whatever happened to catch her fancy that day.

She reported to him in relentless detail every last reprehensible thing Hanamura had done and how she'd seen fit to punish his offenses.

She'd informed him of the urgency with which they needed to install better lighting in the common areas.

She'd spent a good half an hour one night lecturing him on how irresponsible it was of him to be sleeping without first making sure everyone was safely in their cabins for the night.

At which point he had reminded her that he wasn't a hall monitor and that they were all adults perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

The look she given him when he said _that_ was the same look she might have given gum she had to scrap off her shoe.

Fortunately, he'd resigned himself to being the target of Mahiru's eternal disapproval from the moment he'd first woken her up and she'd asked him what had taken him so damn long.

It also helped that his luck had finally kicked in as Komaeda chose that exact moment to ask whether he was coming back to bed because the lube was beginning to dry and it was getting a little uncomfortable.

"Not that I'm complaining," Komaeda had continued thoughtfully without bothering to wait for a response, either blissfully unaware or uncaring of his audience. "After all I'm just happy to be here and that you would even be interested in doing something like this with someone like me is really more than I could ever possibly deserve, however, I..."

Mahiru's face had flushed a brilliant scarlet and he'd found himself smiling as he told her he had to go and shut the door between them with a quiet click before Komaeda had an opportunity to embarrass her any further.

He'd had to endure Saionji's childish vengeance in the form of chewing gum on the doormat and ink in his shampoo and tacks in his sandals for the better part of a week afterwards, but it had been kind of worth it since Mahiru had made a point of only complaining to him in common areas at reasonable times from that point forward.

For his part of things, Hanamura - when he wasn't being lectured or punished for his inability to respect the boundaries of others - had begun insisting on regular deliveries of all sorts of exotic ingredients so he could "stretch his culinary wings".

Which was all fine and good in theory, but in practical application had meant they'd all been discovering with uncomfortable regularity that _everyone_ was allergic to _something_.

On the upside, the variety of reactions and illnesses had kept Mikan busy and done wonders for her always faltering sense of self-worth. She took her job as party healer very seriously and spent much of her free time humming happily to herself as she organized medications and epipens and packed emergency medical kits for the boat and the island alike, storing them in strategic locations throughout both so she'd always have what she needed at hand no matter what.

Sonia had insisted on expanding the library's already improbably large section devoted to the occult and unnatural phenomena, but while they'd been in the process of removing and disposing of the library's improbably large collection of weird porn - which Hanamura had been positively _delighted_ to take custody of - in order to make room for it they'd discovered some intrepid librarian had apparently built a secret sex dungeon in behind the 'Do-It-Yourself' section.

Which would have been fine except apparently Despair had hit the island really, _really_ hard and the sex dungeon had become… something else entirely and since just lighting the building on fire with one of Souda's robots wasn't an option they'd had to figure out a way to clean the whole place out in order to salvage the space.

Which had been an incredibly disgusting task that Komaeda had overseen cheerfully claiming he was glad to have a way to contribute and blithely ignoring Souda's and Fuyuhiko's loud complaints about being roped in to doing the grunt work.

Komaeda's hair and skin had reeked of heavy-duty cleaners for _weeks_.

Ibuki had proven weirdly resourceful in the weeks since she'd woken up and, when she wasn't putting together another weird song to belt out at the top of her lungs at odd moments, she was making Souda teach her about fixing things. She did most of the maintenance on the boat now herself. Unfortunately, this had also led her to rechristening it as the Bang Bang which she'd found hilarious, giggling behind her hand as she and Saionji painted the new name across the hull in bright red paint.

Peko had never caused any particular problems.

Though it was equally possible that she'd caused quite a number of problems and was simply better at resolving any situations that arose on her own than anyone else.

It was impossible to say for sure, but the fact that Fuyuhiko blushed and stammered whenever she entered a room these days seemed to indicate that she'd simply found a less troublesome way to spend her free time.

Saionji, on the other hand - despite the fact that she and Mahiru were spending more and more time together every day - had brought the act of 'making a bad situation worse' from a hobby to an art form of epic proportions during the months since she'd woken up.

Besides playing pranks on everyone - but mostly Mikan because some folks never really changed completely - she and Ibuki had also formed a band called Hair Down There and had been threatening to hold a concert as soon as they managed to convince Souda to build them a giant flame spewing dinosaur they absolutely needed for the their big finale.

He was pretty sure the giant robot had given them ideas.

They hadn't quite sold him on the idea yet, but he could tell it was just a matter of time before he either gave in or Ibuki learned how to build it herself.

And Komaeda…

Komaeda had apparently found and adopted a freaking _puppy_.

And, since they'd been sharing a room practically since the moment he'd taken his hand and pulled him back into the waking world, _he_ had apparently _also_ adopted a puppy.

Because, honestly, his life just wasn't complete without something to stare at them awkwardly from across the room when they….

 _Dammit._

The idea of having yet another living thing dependent on him for its survival was nauseating.

He still had panic attacks sometimes when he thought too long and too hard about those first few days after he'd woken up after Naegi and the rest had left him alone on the island to look after them, to do what he could to wake them up safely while they kept them hidden away from the world for as long as they were able.

How often during those days he'd sat on the floor of the facility with the program design specifications spread around him while that voice in his head listed out all the flaws in his solutions, all the ways things could and would go wrong.

Sometimes he woke up drenched in sweat and, if not for Komaeda's presence beside him, he would have sworn he was still there.

He didn't really want to be responsible for anyone's life ever again.

It was bad enough that he had to look after them all to the extent that he did.

But at least they wouldn't die if he forgot to feed them or something.

He looked at that puppy cleaning its leg and the voice in his head was already calculating its projected lifespan and creating a long detailed list of all the ways that lifespan could be cut short.

It was _exhausting_.

But...

 _But._

Komaeda looked so damn _happy_ about the idea.

 _Fuck._

When exactly was it that he'd become completely incapable of saying _no_ to Komaeda Nagito?

Komaeda's chin settled against his shoulder, arms looping tight around his waist, "Hm, it's a lot to ask, isn't it?"

"The asking part would have been nice," he sighed, tipping his head in against his soft, pale hair. "Seriously? Where did you even find him?"

"You know all those busted up shops near the dock?"

"Yeah, I guess."

It was hard to be sure which shops he was talking about since pretty much all the shops on the entire island - whose name Izuru/Nanami politely informed him was Sint Maarten as if that were important or relevant to the conversation and not just one more awkward piece of knowledge to deal with - had been burgled or trashed at some point before they'd arrived. They'd been doing clean-up around the island for a few days, but there was still a lot of work to be done since they always concentrated most of their efforts on the residential areas initially.

"I heard him crying. His mother… _well_... I think it was lucky I decided to take my walk there today."

"Mm, how are you feeling?"

"I…" He hesitated and within that pause he could practically feel him swallowing down the urge to lie or to tell the truth in the cruelest possible way.

They were all trying so hard to be better than they were.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Because you already know anyway?" Komaeda murmured, voice flat, but his arms tightened around him which was a good sign.

He did.

That soft, flat voice in his head was already running down numbers and percentages and adjusting his exercise regiment to better suit his current condition.

He couldn't help being what he was, but he tried not to let it rule his actions.

"But you'd still rather hear it from me, right?" Komaeda commented as if plunking the words from his mind. "Today was a pretty good day."

He nodded accepting Komaeda's answer for what it was.

For long moments they stood in silence as the nameless puppy finally finished grooming himself and set about exploring his new home with bright-eyed, tail wagging interest.

"Look at him," Komaeda murmured, lips brushing against his ear. "He's cute, isn't he?"

As if determined to prove Komaeda wrong, the puppy turned his attention to sniffing at the pile of supply crates that dominated that part of the deck.

"He's going to pee on that crate," he sighed, gestured vaguely with one hand.

"He wouldn't," Komaeda replied, sounding vaguely offended on his puppy's behalf.

Never had a stream of piss seemed so loud.

"He just did," he stated unnecessarily.

" _Oh_ … so he did. Huh. I should probably clean that up,"

"Probably. I'll go see if we have anything to feed him," Hajime sighed, resigned to the inevitably of their new crew member.

He could already see the span of days falling out before him.

Days of Komaeda chasing that puppy around the ship, cleaning up after him, apologizing for him… this was probably a mistake.

Still….

He kind of _liked_ the mistakes.

For all that he didn't enjoy having to deal with the fallout, he did like watching them make mistakes, liked making them himself.

Whatever else it had done for him, his time on that virtual island, isolated from the burden of his talents, had made it easier to cope with them. He still saw how things would play out - the inevitability of each cause and reaction - but it had left him with the ability to appreciate the pleasure that came from letting things play out as they would. To content himself with enjoying the little surprises as they came. In no longer felt the irresistible desire to break the world apart chasing the thrill of the unknown, to destroy everything in relentless pursuit of that flicker of color in an otherwise dreary grey world.

He no longer needed that thrill to feel alive.

Not when he had them.

Not when he had _him_.

The world in general was still boring, but he was no longer alone and somehow that made all the difference.

Somehow those connections he'd made with them had made it easier to breathe, to _exist_.

They had made his talent tolerable, a gift to be enjoyed rather than a source of endless frustration.

The world was just the same as it had ever been, but he had changed. He'd known that from the moment he'd woken up in his pod, gasping for air, heart racing and eyes wide as he slammed his fist against the lid and cracked the shell that kept him away from them.

Sometimes events would veer off in directions he could never have predicted.

More often they didn't.

But that was okay too.

It was worth watching buildings burn and fielding angry phone calls and answering uncomfortable questions and navigating an endless series of complaints to see for himself what they would make of their lives, of this second chance they'd all been given.

Their lives were filled with inconveniences and robots and wrecked buildings and weird porn and strange rituals and endless repairs and _smiles_.

And, most of all, there was Komaeda.

Komaeda with his strange whims and self-esteem issues and whiplash luck.

Komaeda who insulted him and complimented him in the same breath.

Who sang in the shower every morning and then again every night because he never felt clean unless he showered at least twice a day.

Who he'd found out needed reading glasses, but never wore them because he was worried they might fly off and hurt someone if his luck took a turn at the wrong moment.

Who always kissed him like it was the first and last time he might ever do so.

Who liked pretty things and had decorated the ceilings and walls of their room with pretty bottles and twisted bits of metal he'd bent into odd shapes and strung up on lengths of string to clink and twist above them, gleaming in the light that streams in through their window.

Komaeda who yanked the back of his shirt up so he could drag his chilly synthetic fingertips up his spine because he knew the cold would make him flinch and squirm against him even if he knew it was coming.

That it would always make them both laugh.

In the simulation, he'd spent weeks wishing Komaeda would leave him alone.

Now he couldn't imagine what his days would look like without him.

Didn't _want_ to.

So, if he wanted a puppy… that was okay too.

"So, what are you going to name him?" He'd asked late that afternoon as they lay sprawled out on the deck watching the others laugh and talk as Hanamura grilled up something that smelled amazing and would probably taste twice as good. "And don't say Hope. You are not naming our puppy 'Hope'."

Komaeda's laughter was like the tinkling sound of wind chimes swept together by a warm breeze, "Our puppy?"

"Would you rather he was just yours?"

"No, not at all," he hummed, scooting a little closer so their legs touched, careful not to disturb the puppy currently snoozing on his chest. "Though maybe you should name him. I'm really no good at naming things…."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. If it's something really awful, I'll veto it."

"I really don't know if I can trust someone like you with such an important job, maybe we should have Sonia or one of the others…."

"Oh, shut up about my talent and name the damn dog already," he laughed, poking Komaeda's shoulder.

Komaeda hummed and fell silent for long moments as he contemplated the compromise.

"Lucky," he said finally, his expression gravely serious.

"What is?"

"His name. See? I told you I wasn't very good at naming things," Komaeda replied, scratching a finger against the puppy's floppy ear. "You are very unfortunate to have such a terrible master."

"I don't know, I think it suits him."

"Really?"

"I do."

"Okay."

The fingers of Komaeda's robotic hand slid over his own, clutched briefly before retreating.

"But we're going to need to find someone who's willing to watch him if you want to fool around."

"Why? I don't think he'd mind."

" _I'd_ mind."

Komaeda clicked his tongue, "You're surprisingly prudish about the strangest things. I don't think Lucky cares what you look like naked. Or maybe you're worried my body will frighten him? I admit that might be-"

"You're beautiful," he cut in before Komaeda could really get some momentum going on the shame spiral he was clearly building up to.

Unsurprisingly, his opinion on the matter went over like a lead balloon.

"Well, _yes_ ," Komaeda sighed, "so you've _said_ , but I think that's just because you have terrible taste. I mean, you've chosen to spend your time with someone like _me_ so your judgement is highly questionable on a number of levels."

He rolled over onto his knees so he could loom over Komaeda who - unsurprisingly - looked back up at him with that usual pleasantly blank expression that made him want to throw things at Komaeda's long-dead parents for whatever part they'd played in his self-esteem issues, "You do know I'm literally the most talented man in the world, right?"

"Well, _yes_ , but only because you _cheated_."

He chose to ignore that remark.

It was one he was well-used to hearing from Komaeda's lips, after all. Whatever sting it might have carried had worn away long ago.

"A cheater who loves you."

"As I've already mentioned: you have _extremely_ questionable taste."

"And you love me."

"Do I?" A smile quirked across his lips, subtle but real.

"Don't you? Seems like you said as much several times just this morning."

"Well," Komaeda replied, smiling beatifically up at him. "You do have a few redeeming qualities to balance out your many, many faults."

"Thanks for that. That's good to hear," he commented dryly, dropping a kiss against Komaeda's lips.

He'd intended it to be a quick thing, but Komaeda's cool fingers had caught against the back of his neck and drawn him in for something deeper, wetter.

When he'd finally drawn away, they were both breathing a little heavier than before and somewhere behind them Saionji was bitching loudly about how _some_ _people_ should take their little makeup sessions downstairs before she barfed all over them.

Komaeda smiled, pale cheeks flushed pink in the light of the setting sun, "Mm, do you think Mitarai likes dogs?"

Hajime laughed, reaching down to scratch behind Lucky's ears before sitting back, "I think if you have Mitarai watch him for us, there's really no telling what his boyfriend is going to imitate next."

The idea of the unknown remained a unique and tantalizing possibility.

Komaeda's smile was soft and knowing as he sat up slowly, lifting the puppy from his chest and depositing him carefully in Hajime's lap. He leaned in and pressed a fleeting kiss against his lips before getting unsteadily to his feet, "I suppose I should go find out then. Wait for me?"

"I always will," he said, setting a tentative hand against the pup's back as it lifted its head, suddenly awake and interested in the proceedings as Komaeda slipped off into the crowd gathered around the grill.

The puppy clamored up out of his lap, sniffing the air and padding off towards the pile of crates.

"You need to go for a walk don't you?" He sighed, climbing to his feet and adjusting his slacks. "C'mon, then."

Lucky glanced back at him and lifted his leg against one of the crates in response.

 _Right._

 **-fin-**

 **NOTES:**

Originally written for the Second Komahina Secret Exchange (Though it has changed quite a bit from its original incarnation). Written for Moosabus. Based on the Prompt: Komaeda adopts a puppy and seeks Hinata's help in caring for it.

Timeline-wise this occurs after DR3:Hope Side.


End file.
